40 + years of incest memories reached saturation point.
I finally reported my older brother to two different police departments a week ago for the physical and sexual abuse I was subjected to by him when I was a child: being made to perform oral sex on him, being hit in the face to the point of bloody noses, having a pillow put over my face when the hitting wouldn't work, being made to go with him to steal things from the school across the street at night. It started when I was four and lasted until I was eight.
40 + years of repression, finally free. Finally I don't have nightmares of trying to scream and not being able to be heard. My voice has finally been heard by the authorities. I feel power in my voice, power in my truth, courage to walk firmly forward in the truth. No more control, no more fear, no more! I am victorious.
However, I can't seem to shake these sexual encounters that forever changed the way I view myself and others.