I always said that it would never happen to me. Doesn’t everyone think that? They think, "How could I let something like that happen to me? I'm not that unaware of what's going on around me."
When I was eighteen, I was single and carefree. I was having the time of my life, like eighteen year olds are supposed to. That was all until I met him. He was cute and nice and wanted to hang out with me. We started dating and hanging out. Occasionally going to dinner or watching a movie. Totally normal dating things. We had been hanging out for a few weeks before it happened.
My friends and I were going out one night with him. We were at his apartment before we headed to the club. That's when things went black. I don’t remember even drinking alcohol, and if I did then it wasn’t enough to make me blackout so quickly.
I vaguely remember lights flashing and random faces looking at me, then hearing, “She has to go home.” I remember not being able to walk on my own. I don’t know what happened, but I remember my friend saying to him, “You can take care of her, right?”
That was it. I woke up the next day and was naked, confused, afraid and not alone. I look over and there he was. I screamed and was frantically running around trying to find my clothes that I didn’t remember taking off myself.
He sat up, not looking surprised and said, “Why are you freaking out? We had a good time, you liked it.”
I kept repeating to myself that I didn’t remember what happened. I'm wasn't like that. I was a virgin. I wasn’t ready for that. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I threw on my clothes and looked in the mirror and just cried. There were bruises all over my face. What had happened to me? How could I let this happen to me?
I left the apartment and sat on the sidewalk waiting for a friend to come and get me. People looked at me in disgust. I even had someone say, “Walk of shame!” They were right. I was full of shame. I told a few friends what had happened and they laughed in my face.
A few weeks later I got a text from that guy. He said, “You ruined my life. How could you do that?” The truth was that he had ruined mine. I had been terrified for years. I was afraid to live on my own. My sex life with my husband has struggled because of what happened to me. This guy had been a part of me for so long, but now I refuse to let that to happen anymore.
I am strong—stronger than he ever will be.