The most important thing I want other people to understand about my story is how strong I am now. Understand that what was done to me has made me kinder, more forgiving, and more sensitive to others around me.
Three years were stolen from me. From those three years of abuse, my entire life was changed—morphed into this altered perspective that men and sex were wrong and unclean. Two men forever distorted my entire perspective on love and intimacy, and that cannot be changed.
I remember hating God. Not only hating Him for letting this happen to me, but for letting it continue for as long as it did. How could this Almighty God let a little girl be sexually abused? How could He just stand back and let them do those things?
In high school, I remember my classmates dating and having sex. I wondered, why did they have to ruin all this fun for me? They made me hate everything to do with men and sex. I struggled with extreme body dysmorphia and began battling bulimia. They made me hate my body, made me feel unclean. How could this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?
Then, my altered way of thinking transformed. I saw these experiences as opportunities to grow and become stronger. God was making me into a strong warrior. I’ve come to terms with what has happened in the past, but that doesn’t mean the pain has gone away.