anonymous

 

You see, I didn't realize that I had been raped until I had seen and read all of these men and women's stories. I didn't realize that because I had submitted to my attackers wishes, I had been raped. In my head, I convinced myself that it was consensual because I stopped fighting him. I sit here and cry when I read what has happened to these men and women. It gives me a sense of sadness, yet a sense of relief knowing that this ball of sadness that I had inside of me was not just in my head. 

I was 17 when it happened. He was 19. We worked together and would hang out sometimes after work. One night we were hanging out and he kissed me. I mean, I wanted him to kiss me. Then he told me to get into the car and drive to this park that he lived next to. I didn't realize at the time that he was doing it so we were secluded. No one was around or near the park. He told me he wanted me to get into the back seat with him and I did. I liked him. He started to kiss me very passionately and began to try to take off my pants and said, "Let's see how far you'll go." In that moment, I was terrified. I didn't want this. He pulled me further down into the seat and began to rip my pants off and rip my shirt off. My heart was scared. I told him that that didn't want to and that I was not ready. He proceeded to penetrate me over and over. I screamed and cried and told him to stop. He told me, "Morgan, trust me." And I stopped fighting. I just stopped and laid there in my bloody underwear. I took him home that night and I think I left a part of myself there with him.